feelings about my body

i've avoided writing about my body image for some time now, but i feel like it will be good for me. for now, and to look back on. 

my mother always taught me to love my body. she told me it was beautiful and that it wouldn't get any better than it was in my teen years. she was right. it was beautiful and it wouldn't get any better than that. why didn't i believe her? although i don't like to admit it, i've always felt just a little fat; mostly my tummy and love handles because i'm an apple an that's where i hold my extra "love." i hate that i've always felt that.

i'm a firm believer in "fake it till you make it" so i try to exude confidence even when i'm struggling with my own self image. please don't get me wrong, i do love my body. it's strong and healthy and bares perfect, beautiful children. heavenly father blessed me with an able body and i thank him every time i pray, but how come i cannot come to terms with my weight? 

i've lost most of the last pregnancy weight doing weight watchers, but i can only diet for so long. 8 weeks is when i usually fall off the ban wagon. and 10 pounds is apparently all i can lose at one time. dieting feels good, but oh so depriving! i'm 15 pounds heavier than my wedding weight. 

i love to work out. i've been an athlete since i was a child and moving my body has always been rewarding for me. but after having three children and getting "a little bit older," exercising just isn't keeping the extra weight off. my diet must change too if i want to get back to my wedding weight and my mind keeps going back and forth debating whether it's worth it or not and if i can even do it.

for months now, i've been on and off weight watchers, running and not running, doing both, giving up on one or the other and all the combinations in between. it's stressing me out and i don't like the feeling. i'm putting too much pressure on my self to get down to my perfect body and it's not okay. i know so many women who struggle with their body image way worse than i do and my heart hurts for them. a couple of my husband's sister struggle deeply and i always tell them to knock it off and appreciate what they have. it's time for me to take my own advice. i read this blog post the other day and took a deep breath. it's was perfectly put.

"You will be tempted to coerce your body into staying the same. You might hear about unhealthy perimeters to keep your body within; numbers and measurements. You might feel a need to restore your body to a certain age where you think your body belongs--even though you would never will your spirit backwards to that same place. You will hear lies that unless your body stays the same you are not good enough.

These are the worst lies ever told since the beginning of time. The worst lies always involve a woman's body. They always involve a woman's body and her inabilities. And these lies, they've hurt a lot of people. You don't have to believe them. In fact, you can believe more than the sum of all these lies.Your body is not about what you have too much of. Your body is not about what you wish you had more of. Your body isn't even about an appearance, it's more intelligent than that. It's about truth; the physical manifestation of what you know inside. It's not about what days you will take it to the gym. It's not about what you foods you will refuse it. It's not about how you can pluck it, paint it, or shape it with plastic. It's about how you feel about its worth--and your spirit's worth--and those sentiments will be your guide on how you treat it. 

Your body has been changing since the day you were born, let it continue to change. Let it fatten, let it thin, let it bloom, let it blossom, let it shrink, let it wrinkle, let it die."

that cjane. she knows what she's talking about. i want to live these words. sure, i want to be healthy. i'm enjoying running and i'm going to keep doing it. i want to teach my kids healthy habits, but i'm still going to enjoy food. i'm not going to beat myself up over a stretch-marked pooch and 15 pounds. my body is amazing and i need to appreciate it.

amen.

spring around here

i've been such a bad blogger.

instagram is taking me over and one photo seems to be enough to connect me to the world, 

instead of 10 and lots of writing. but i must force myself to document our life in this tiny spot of mine. i don't want to forget how creative and darling my kids are right now. their smiles each day and clever conversations continue to melt my heart. watching them grow and learn and explore their curiosities is the best thing that's ever happened to me. 

dress up

bedtime stories

 tulips

spring is in full bloom and our yard is filled with daffodils. we planted the bulbs in the fall after my dad sent me a ton. there's nothing more satisfying than reaping what you sow.

my lunches don't always look like this, but they should.

mesmerized.

husband spent "his play tax" money on a play station 3. i promised that it was guiltless money for us each to spend, so i try not to judge him. but man do i hate that thing.

K never gets to old to cuddle.

trying to finish the living room by adding pillows.

she cuddles me everyday for naps. bliss!

here's to trying to blog more...

our park routine

winter here in georgia has been so mild. somedays i miss a little cold, but it's been really nice for our workout routine. husband and i pack the kids in the wagon or stroller and walk to our neighborhood park. from there, i take off on my run while they all play. then when i come back, david takes off for his run while i play with the kids at the park. it's the perfect plan and i love it. the girls could be pushed on those swings for hours and hours. especially when daddy does it.

this particular day, husband decided to take off the boy's training wheels on his bike. there's an empty parking lot right there between the park and the pool. he caught on in like 5 seconds. i knew he would. that boy is so coordinated, it's ridiculous. we are so proud of him and he loves riding like a big boy. he still needs a little work with turning and braking, but is perfecting it everyday. 

go my kavi boy!

construction orange to bar beauties

the thrift stores around here aren't anything to write home about. in fact, i was beginning to lose hope all together until i found these chairs. at the base thrift store no less! when i first saw them, i paused and had a second of hesitation. could i make those cute? the construction orange was blinding my creative judgement. now that all is said and done, i can't believe i even hesitated. they are one my my favorite redo projects ever!

 i paid $25 for two and they are the perfect height and so light weight. i love that they are plastic and kind of a mix between school chair and industrial. i thought about painting them some fun, crazy, out of the box color, but in the end decided on stark white. 

the tops unscrewed really easily from the legs which made for easy spray paint access. i used a special spray paint for plastic and had to do a million coats to cover that orange! but boy, did it pay off. my kids love them and i do too. they were just meant for my kitchen. in fact, i'm sitting in one as i type:)

instagrams and some thoughts

- having money is amazing. spending our tax return is one of the best feelings ever. does that make me shallow? don't get me wrong, we paid off a good chunk of debt first (so close to being debt free!) and put some into savings. then we partied. we each got a chunk for ourselves to spend on whatever we fancied. i'll post my purchases later.

- hung wallpaper this week. it wasn't too hard, and the result is the sexiest room ever! now i need a                          bed skirt and some night stands for the guest room.

- had a much needed date night to sushi and clothes shopping for husband. during conversation we both agreed that the past 6 months have been one of the hardest of our marriage. not marriage-threatening hard, but just re-assessing how to meet each others needs and such. could this be the seven year itch? marriage is hard.

- haven't been doing so hot on ww. need to jump back on the wagon. this week baby! i want to get to a certain weight before my new york trip in april. that way clothes shopping will be less traumatic:)

- also planning a trip to virginia beach in may for memorial day. excited to see my brother and his family. also hoping to make it to arlington to see mark's grave.

- starting my third quilt on my list. after that's finished, i need to finish carter's and start one for paisley.

- daffodils are blooming everywhere and they make me so happy. remind me of my childhood in the perfect way.

scarlett olivia

i don't have any words for how precious my new niece is.

david's sister, jackie birthed a perfectly beautiful, sweet, baby girl and we are so excited for her!

here's her quilt in the works:

and here it is finished:

once again, my pictures are way off. i had to take them at night so i could send it off early the next morning. sorry! the colors are so amazing in person. all of the fabrics are from my scrap pile and i love the mix of patterns! jackie isn't too girlie, so i hope she likes a baby girl quilt that's more diverse than purple or pink.

i found the backing fabric at joanns and quilted it myself with simple straight lines.

the binding is a coral color with small white dots.

i know i always say how much i enjoy making each quilt, and this one was no different.

in fact, there's something about going through my scrap fabric that makes me really happy. i can look at each square in this quilt and remember what past quilt i used that fabric for. and each past quilt brings memories of what i was doing in my life at that time and who i was making them for. i love that.

so here's to jackie and sweet baby scarlett.

love, your aunt shay shay