Saturday, January 19, 2013

november instagrams

i wasn't going to write about my miscarriage on my blog since i've written details about it in my journal, but i feel i should. i often document the good things in my life, but there are hard moments too. really hard. and i want my children to know about them. i want my few blog readers to know about them, so my life doesn't appear perfect. so here goes a small summary.

on november 3rd, i went to my first prenatal appointment, although i was already 11 weeks. i had known i was pregnant since like week 4, and had been SO sick. so dang sick. like, i hate my life want to die sick. there was no heartbeat. there was a shape of a tiny baby with a head and limbs forming, but no heartbeat. i was in shock and devastated. i texted my friends right away and called family. i felt like every soul who knew i was pregnant had to know right away that i wasn't anymore. after going to lunch, i came home to a clean house, flowers, movies, and candy. my friends are amazing. these simple gestures meant more than they will ever know.  jessica made us dinner. noel drove down immediately. the next day, she watched mine and jessicas kids while we went on a double date. she listened to me try to reason why this happened. i waited a week until the actual miscarriage took place. it was traumatic. the waiting was traumatic, and the miscarriage was traumatic. there was so much blood. my body took a while to start the process, but once it started, it goes all out. just like labor. by midnight, i was in the ER because i had lost so much blood and was feeling faint. i was seriously worried that if i went to bed, i would bleed out and never wake up. the bleeding finally started to dwindle once in the ER.

i was pregnant. i had a miscarriage. it was gruesome and devastating, but i am fine. i have totally healed emotionally and physically and i'm thankful for the experience. i now have more empathy for woman who go through this without already having children, or who experience this multiple times. i can bare children and my body works amazingly. how could i not be grateful for that? we're planning on having at least one more child. also, david was amazing throughout the whole process.

other happenings in november included:
the boy losing his two front teeth.
a small renovation in the girls room.
jessica's baby beckam was born.
not pictured: thanksgiving with noel and the lindquists'.

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